When Will You Learn To Stop Self Sabotaging? — ft. TheBrokenExtrovert
True remorse for your past can exist without self sabotaging your present.
Recently, as a group conversation starter, a friend of mine posed an unconventional question:
“What is the worst mistake you’ve ever made?”
Unconventional in the sense that we all had just sat down at a Mexican restaurant after an extensive 5-hour study session for our State Board nursing exam.
I can confidently say, on everyone’s behalf, that we were mentally drained at this point.
But I mean, why not add some emotional drainage on top to really seal the deal of exhaustion?
If you knew this friend then you’d know that asking this type of question was not out of character for them.
And if I’m being completely honest, I was welcoming to the table topic despite knowing that talking about shame over tacos is not a fan favorite.
Especially amongst a group that has never explored these levels of depths with one another.
The question was met with a moment of expected collective silence.
There was an unspoken consensus that everyone has something they are not keen to sharing about themselves.
When asking the friend why they asked this question, they explained that they believed sharing your worst life choices is a true testament to your growth and ability to be a better version of yourself.
I was impressed by this statement, and it made me reflect on my own journey to true growth through acceptance.
Owning all of me, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I like to think, in doing so, I will be able to fully accept my individual mistakes as singular decisions that produced an incorrect or unintended outcome.
Rather than innate defining traits that will always influence ongoing decisions.
Now, whether you choose to keep your business private or tell it all over fajitas, I beg that you simply own it as your past and leave it there.
“Is there something I wish to be doing that my past is holding me back from?”
“Is my past discouraging me from putting in effort towards my future?”
If the answer to either of these is “yes” then I have a question for you…
When will you learn to stop self-sabotaging?
Life presents us with many unforeseeable chapters.
And you think that certain things will never happen to you until they do.
I’ve come to learn that there are two types of responses to adversity in life.
1) “woe is me”
If you know, you know.
It sounds a little something like,
“Nothing in my life ever goes well.”
“I knew it was too good to last.”
If you’ve been on the receiving end of these comments, then you know how draining they can be.
And if you’ve said these comments, please take a moment to note how draining they can be.
To the receiver, and to you.
2) Questioning adversity’s purpose.
By taking this approach, you have already accepted that every occurrence has reason.
It may not be clear how these circumstances could add any possible value to your life, but still you believe that it will be revealed over time.
Realistically, there will always be unfavorable times in our lives.
And the more we allow it to consume our present and our futures, the more we self-sabotage.
We doubt our abilities to reach our ultimate potential, and we tend to slow down the process because we have an underlying fear that our past mistakes will always present future interruption.
But look at it this way,
Even if every other week of your life there is some unexpected interruption, yet you work towards your goal every single day, you will have progressed so much further.
Versus ruling out your efforts to even try in the first place.
The latter choice will leave you with no direction in life because in your mind, every way you turn, you will face adversity.
Well, you are right.
Of course, there will be unpredictable phases along your path.
You would be naïve to think otherwise.
But you will be enlightened to know that the disturbances are only as limiting as you allow them to be.
If light is shed on your previous mistakes and they cause you to feel unworthy or undeserving, you have not grown.
The key word there is “previous”.
True remorse for your past can exist without self-sabotaging your present.
You are worthy and capable of all things placed in front of you.
Growth looks like someone asking,
“What is the worst mistake you’ve ever made?”
And you being able to reply with acceptance of your truth, acknowledgement of your wrong-doing, and self-assurance that your past mistake is only a lesson to be learned from and potentially shared for the betterment of others.
The Broken Extrovert
Read my personally written insightful letters on growth every other day at wip.email.